I found a BIG question

I thought I had no questions that I needed to bring to spiritual direction but something that was said during the interview with the second spiritual director candidate resonated with me. AR spoke about the changes in the natural world that seemed out of place or order to him such as finding his pond full of tadpoles and a snapping turtle acting as if it were looking to lay eggs. I realize that I am very concerned about how to stay loving and help others stay loving if the world that we depend on changes radically. If we are heading for societal disruption and social disorder we can turn to violence so easily to protect our own. And that seems like it would be the end of meaning for me.

So far I have been concerned with acquiring skills and objects that will help my family and friends survive a collapse of the infrastructure we depend upon for everything. For example I have a loom, a pedal sewing machine, books about animal husbandry and gardening. Just the very beginnings of what we might need to survive. And yes I am well aware that this preparedness is considered by most of my friends and perhaps most of everyone to be a bit on the crazy side. But it serves as a way to manage my anxiety about the future. I would rather be at least a little prepared for a world gone awry then walk blindly in the storm.

Listening to AR I realized that I wanted to strengthen my belief that the only way to live is to be open to loving one's neighbor. This is hard enough in good times but how to sustain it through potentially really bad times.

finding a director and first questions

I have made appointments to speak with two spiritual directors. One during our initial phone conversation referred to social work as a ministry which seemed a bit more religious than I may feel comfortable with. Though after talking with my sister I have decided to keep the appointment because as she said "you never know- you might hit it off." As I am trying to live with a more open mind this seems like good practice. The other person I'll be meeting with is the hospice chaplain I know from work. He is not on the "approved list" but that matters not to me. I think that he would be a good pick because while he is a Christian, he is also a medical chaplain and used to working with all sorts of people. He is a bit of a old hippie and I'm sure has participated in a number of goddess rituals. So I am fairly confident that we will work together well. He is also soon retiring from work so we wouldn't be overlapping there which has the potential to be strange or inhibiting.

The first session questions are about what brings you to the class and what has been your spiritual journey.

I was raised Episcopalian- mostly on my father's side although my mother's parents had at least a loose affiliation with an Episcopal church where they are buried. But my father was strongly connected to the church because his father was an Episcopal minister, a Right Reverend. My childhood understanding of church was not so much about the religious but vibrantly about the social community. The churches we belonged to had wonderful ministers. The church couples club was one of my parents favorite groups of people and we were like an extended family. There was little to rebel against and though the religious belief system didn't stick I feel that my understanding of ethics and service was nurtured by my experience with church.

Thinking about spirit

Starting an exploration of my interest in spirituality/religion. This has been a life long interest that I have pursued more or less deeply over time. A few courses in religion in college, Jewish history, and a course on the bible come to mind, several rather serious years of pagan/witch practice, and most recently a foray into Christian mysticism are some of my experiences. I have a small library of books on the women in the bible and feminist theology as well.

Now the journey continues with my joining a UU (Unitarian/Universalist) class called Wellspring which is a school year long process of bi monthly meetings, monthly spiritual direction, and a daily spiritual practice. I will be using this space as my journal to explore the questions for reflection and to document my process of discovery.

Before the first session I will be setting up meetings with spiritual directors, and starting to read Everyday Spiritual Practice edited by Scott W. Alexander. I have just finished Barbara Brown Taylor's An Altar in the World in which she describes numerous ways to approach an everyday practice of spirit. Found it not only an enjoyable read but thought provoking about what could be a spiritual practice. Much about being alive in the moment. AWAKE!

I'm rocking on the porch with no jacket on while Tallulah explores the night smells. It's not quite comfortable yet. Still it's mild for the not quite middle of March. Started Anna Karenina today..."Happy families..." He is a fine writer, Leo Tolstoy. Also finishing up "Emma" . I do think that this is Jane Austin's best book. Better than "Pride and Prejudice" though the story is much more limited. So few characters, and focussed on the rather inane if lovable Emma. Such long smooth beautiful sentences. I have enjoyed it so much.